OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
