Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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