just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
