Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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