yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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