Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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