im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
they're like a gay fantastic four
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
