This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
