I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Randomize
