is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
