And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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