My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I wear drunk well.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
