is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
