So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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