I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
