Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
