my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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