So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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