u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
