Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
