i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
