Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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