Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
