my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I had to cum in my sink.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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