oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't deserve a penis
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
