I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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