I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
