You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
