I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I am available for nakedness
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
