ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
