her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You dont lie about slip and slides
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize