There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
