go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
