Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
