Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize