It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize