I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
