Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
