I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
