You work out of a Hotel?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
