just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
