Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
