and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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