i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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