I need help removing her.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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