I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
