I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
