people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize