I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
