Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
