the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
