Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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