Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
