The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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