Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
