i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
