Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
