sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
