He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize