those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
