The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
