Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
