Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
