Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
