Apparently you make a good broom.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
