By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Your dad touched me again.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
