he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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