ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
