All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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