My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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