Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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